Sororities

TWO GIRLS Each fall at Northeastern, and indeed college campuses around the country, tens of hundreds of men and women feel the Greek fire and decide to join a sorority. Joining a sorority gets you lifelong friends, networking potential, and access to tons of totally awesome parties, all for a cool $250 per semester.

Night 1

I enter the ballroom in Curry and immediately overdose on estrogen. There are tables set up for all five chapters, each with their unique colors, flowers, mottos and neuroses. I make my way over to Delta Zeta, who are decked out in pink and green. They remind me of watermelon slices, except they’re not edible. A sister tells me their colors are “totally in this season.”

After an enlightening PowerPoint slideshow emphasizing the joys of Greek life, I register for rush and fork over $20. The amount of information I had to disclose to register disturbed me: they have my SSN, parents’ middle names, and where my cat likes to sleep. Having people know too much about me pisses me off even more than when people spell “Eliot Smyth” wrong.

Night 2

I meet with my group at 5:46 sharp. The girls in the group are all extremely nervous. Soon after, we go to our first “party.” In this context, “party” doesn’t quite entail the usual definition. It means a 20-minute encounter with lots of perky girls in a small, amusingly decorated room in Curry who are hell-bent on becoming your best friend. The Sigma Delta Tau girl I’m assigned to talk to is surprisingly interested in my Sharpie collection, of all things. I’m sure anyone could get used to this much attention.

My Rho Chi (rush guru) gives everyone in the group a tiny notebook so we can write down our impressions of each chapter. She promises not to read them, so I mostly just doodle band logos and write poetry about the grey ennui New York City becomes in the malaise of February. Then she whips out a variety pack of Orbit and says, “You’re not a sorority girl if you don’t chew gum!” I pick Wintergreen. The girl next to me takes Bubblemint and complains about her rug burn.

Night 3

Tonight we get to wear our own clothes, which makes a world of difference in the amount of crap you can talk about everyone’s outfits. I show up wearing a totally rad vintage shirt, one of my 23 blazers and Converse low-tops. Nevertheless, when a DZ sister spots my Chucks, she glares at me. This is beginning to feel like an episode of Made, but without the commercials, and I’m not a fat kid. Though, I totally don’t watch MTV, it’s so mainstream. I only watch MTV VI, which is my nickname for my Sigur Ros mix tape.

I manage to muster enough energy to have some legitimate fun in Delta Phi Epsilon, talking about old-school Nickelodeon. As the home of the only pierced nose in all of NU Greek life, I rather like DPhiE. I just love the counterculture, you know, sticking it to the man and pissing off your parents.

I’m feeling a little too bubbly, so once I get back to the safety of my dorm, I put on unflattering clothes, listen to Bright Eyes, and read a few pages of the newest Kurt Vonnegut/Chuck Palahniuk collaboration Duets in Understanding That Nothing is Cool. I’ll be okay — and by that I mean depressed, but in a cool way.

Night 4

I was invited back to Tri Sigma. Tonight’s activity is answering tricky personal questions, such as what I’d steal if I wouldn’t get caught. Intimidated, I over-think my answer and say obscure things like “an elephant, if my dorm were bigger and they (dorms) didn’t poop so much.”

At exactly midnight, my Rho Chi calls me. In an ominous voice, she speaks the magical words: “Lauren, I’m sorry, but you have NOT been invited back for tomorrow night.” We hang up and I dance as if someone waved a pair of Decemberists tickets in my face.

Come to think of it, the end of my saga was somewhat anti-climactic. I expected something more ceremonial … like some sort of ceremony … or something. No matter. My face still hurt from all the smiling, but I was free at last. Now I just can’t tell any of my friends I did this. They won’t save me a spot at shows anymore.

Night 1: Info Night

It’s our first night! I’m so excited! All the new girls look so young, I wonder if I looked like that when I was rushing. I remember my info night, I was so nervous! I wish Rho Chi could be more involved in this night, but we only really get to talk to the girls when they get assigned to our group. My groups seems sooooo nice, I’m so excited! This one girl though, I’m not really sure if she’s really into sororities, but that’s okay, I’m sure she’ll love us all once she gets to know us. I’m so excited!

Night 2: Parties!

I love seeing all the girls in their matching Pan-Hellenic Council shirts, it really just makes me feel the sisterly vibe! Especially since this year’s theme is A League of Our Own, I love that movie, even if Rosie O’Donnell turned out to be a lesbian.

Anyways, it’s all so the sororities can get to know the girls better! Not too much better though, because I was listening to these two girls’ conversation today, and I overheard a girl talk about her rugburn … oh, memories! I remember my first rugburn … that guy was so cute, but he ended up being such an asshole.

Night 3: More parties! and first cuts after the parties

Tonight was the second night of parties, but the girls didn’t have to wear the Pan-Hellenic t-shirts tonight. A lot of them seemed more worried about what to wear than they were last night, which is a good quality in girls, I mean we don’t want to recruit total slobs! And we can’t have them wearing just any old thing. But I didn’t want to sound too harsh, so I just told them to wear something “super-cute, but casual.”

They got the message and looked so cute that I think that any hot frat boy would be jumping at the opportunity to be with these girls. Except that one girl, she looked alright I guess, but her shoes were amazing. I was so mad I didn’t wear my Converse, so we could have been twins!

I love being twins with people, it’s like having a sister, but one who doesn’t pee in your hair. I love going home at night and reading the notes they took on the sororities in the notebooks we give them. I can already tell where some girls are going to go, and I can definitely tell which girls aren’t going to get into a sorority. I’d hate to not get into a sorority, it’d be crushing (almost as bad as that winter I spent in New York City!).

Night 4: Stupid girls couldn’t get into a stupid sorority…

Oh my god, I’m so mad. One girl, just one stupid girl, just kept wearing her stupid lame band shirts! She was so aloof and stuff at all the sororities, I mean like, it was like she wasn’t here to join, but to like investigate something. That cost me the HUGE prize for the Rho Chi whose group members all get inducted into a sorority and become Potential New Members. I know I was gonna win! Maybe she wanted to see what it was like to be cool. I’m so mad I could just spit!

Ugh, I don’t even want to think about what my sisters are going to say to me! They’re going to be so mad, I hope they don’t give me the silent treatment! I can’t even think straight. I have to plan this whole talk on the topic of “Sisters: Unconditional Love and Acceptance.”

by LJP/KLF/TAJ/TNR Staff