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The Northeastern Times New Roman is a satirical student publication. Any references to people living or dead are purely coincidental except in the cases where a public figure is mentioned. The views and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the Northeastern Times New Roman or those of Northeastern University. The Northeastern Times New Roman is not meant for readers under the age of 18.

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Kiefer Sutherland is...Tommy Maddox XFL MVP

PREVIOUSLY IN TNR...

For you pansies who forgot, the Xtreme Football Leaugue was created in 2001 by Vince McMahon.

A tidal wave of talent poured in from powerhouses like the AFL, the CFL, and the recently paroled. But above all those rising stars, one man stood tall: Tommy Maddox, quarterback for the Los Angeles Xtreme, a king among kings.

Please Reclaim Your Love Letter

What you are about to read is real. No joke. The words that follow were scrawled all over a box of heart-shaped donuts (pictured below) and discovered in the trash on Valentine’s day by a TNR staffer. The a few names were changed but any errors were left unedited. If this letter belongs to you or you know to whom it belongs please contact us at tears_smudge@nutnr.com and we’d be more than happy to return this epic monologue to its rightful owner. Otherwise, enjoy and bask in the cruel humor that is love.