NU Times New Roman

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The Sleaze of the Issue

PLEASE NOTE: Dear Dirty Man is a sleazy advice column written by a sleazy staff member. If you're offended by off-base discussion of sexuality, the editors of the Roman don't recommend reading on. If you do read on, the Roman will not be held responsible for any scumbags who actually follow the advice of a man this dirty!

Dear Dirty Man,
Dude, what’s up with you? The column has sucked the last few times. Is it graduation? Do you have mono? Wait, you still dig chicks, right?
Man, this isn’t cool. Gimme some kind of sign that things will be okay!

Sincerely,
Not a Real Crush, Just a Man Crush

Dear Crush,
I’m not gonna lie to you; you’re right. I really have been phoning it in lately. I just don’t get the same joy out of writing the column that I once did.
I will, in fact, be graduating this coming May, and to be completely honest, I’m kinda done with the whole “Dear Dirty Man” thing. I was thinking I’d try a change of career from sleazy columnist to something a little more down to earth ... maybe
forest ranger.

  Wearing a badge that says “Park Ranger
Man” would be pretty cool. Of course, it would be hard to sneak past the park services’ human resources department. It’s a little less than legal for me to be within twenty yards of wild four-legged animals. Whoever’s in charge of hiring would probably catch that.
  My mom thought I should try waste management, but I’ve had quite enough of getting pooped on more than once a week. She agreed with me, and promised she would cut back. Yeah ... I don’t know. I should probably just not worry about what I’ll do after graduation.
  As for the column, I’ll try to put some more effort into it. It’s not real hard to please you guys. All I have to do is write something serious about what’s on my mind, make up some ridiculous question to prompt what I’m saying, and throw in a few jokes about bestiality and Cleveland Steamers and I have 90% of you wrapped around my finger. The other 10% would be waiting for the joke about where that finger has been.

Sincerely,

-The Dirty Man

The Northeastern Times New Roman is a satirical student publication. Any references to people living or dead are purely coincidental except in the cases where a public figure is mentioned. The views and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the Northeastern Times New Roman or those of Northeastern University. The Northeastern Times New Roman is not meant for readers under the age of 18.

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